On the issue of improving the morale of the ship crew in the USSR Navy
For sailors and Navy sympathizers to create a New Year's mood.
After perestroika began, our deputies increased per unit of time. True, even before that, they did not particularly stay on the carriages - they leaped like riders on a horse, and with the restructuring, well, just like gloves began to change: a year and a half - a new deputy, another year and a half - another deputy, and flashed. You do not have time to get used to it, and already a replacement.
Somehow they give us another deputy from the academy. They gave us a deputy, and he began to fight with us. Basically, of course, with drunkenness in the carriage. He fought so well that he soon crushed us all.
- Perestroika, - he told us, - well, what's not clear?
And we drank our ration of wine, naval - fifty grams at sea per person, and remembered about perestroika.
And now we go out to sea on a task. The deputy went to sea with us for the first time. In all compartments, as in an art gallery, he hung posters, slogans, appeals, graphics, competition screens. And we took out the divisional commander, and our divisional commander, Rear Admiral Batrakov, nicknamed "John - pluck your eye", everyone in the Navy knows. The people sometimes call him Petrovich.
Petrovich could not have been at sea without wine. He had nothing to lose - an admiral, he had a pension, and there were about twenty autonomous vehicles - so he used it.
They had perestroika in the center there, but Petrovich was strict - so that three times a day, a decanter. Otherwise, he gores everyone at the exit. Petrovich was a tiny sprout, but he could pour a whole bucket into himself. How he drinks - a soul-man.
The quartermaster went to the commander about wine for Petrovich, but he only waved his hands - go to the deputy. The quartermaster came to the deputy and said:
- Allow the division commander to pour a decanter of wine?
- How is it, "decanter"? - the deputy was even stunned. "Is that a whole decanter of wine at a time?"
- Yes, - says the quartermaster and looks devotedly. “He always blows out a decanter of wine at a time.
- How does it "blow out"? - says the deputy indignantly. - We have perestroika! Well, what's not clear?
- Yes, everything is clear, - says the quartermaster, but he himself stands in front of the deputy and does not think to leave, - just give it up, Comrade Captain of the Third Rank, otherwise it will be worse.
The intendant had a secret assignment from the commander: to beat out the wine for Petrovich from the deputy. Otherwise, you understand, there will be no life.
- What do you mean "it will be worse"? What do you mean "it will be worse"? - asks the deputy quartermaster.
- Well, comrade captain of the third rank, - the quartermaster finished, - well, let him get drunk …
- What do you mean … listen … what are you here to me? - said the deputy and drove the quartermaster out.
But after the third call, the deputy gave up - to hell with him, let him get drunk.
They poured Petrovich once, poured two, poured three, but did not pour four.
- Enough with him, - said the deputy.
I already told you that if Petrovich does not drink, then everyone becomes very sad. Petrovich sits in the central, in the commander's chair, not drunk and stern, and then he sees how he creeps into the central deputy. And the deputy in the cap. Our deputy believed that a real submariner on a campaign should walk in a cap. It happens to deputies. He had seen enough films.
In general, the deputy in the cap is sneaking along the central one. And Petrovich loved Zamov like a Rottweiler collar. He was our last deputy at every exit to the sea mercilessly rotted. And then someone else told him that it was the deputy who put his paw on the wine. So Petrovich saw the deputy and, you know, even brightened his face.
- Come on, you bloke in a cap, - he says to the deputy, - come on, swim here.
The deputy came up and introduced himself. Petrovich looked up at him with a dull eye, like a bear at grapes, and said:
- You passed on self-management?
- That's right, - says the deputy.
- Well, report, what's this? - Petrovich poked into the tie-band of the deputy's remote control panel.
Zam looks at the remote control, as if seeing it for the first time, and is silent.
- And this thing, - Petrovich points a finger at the regeneration unit, - how is it equipped? Deputy again - no guogu.
- So! - said Petrovich, and his eyes began to fill with bad blood, and at the same time his head crawled into. shoulders, and then the deputy begins to understand why they say that Petrovich can gore. He brought his face closer to the deputy and said to him quietly:
- Come on, bald dove, let's go, let's go over the structure of the ship.
And we ran. We began to run from the first compartment, and in it we finished. The deputy showed himself a full body - he didn't know a damn thing. The saint was - holier than all the saints.
At the end of the conversation, Petrovich completely flushed, swelled like a hose, but as he yelled:
-What were you taught in your academy? Pest! Read the newspapers? Mottos to give birth? Do you want to paint these posters? A wormhole? Why are you going to sea, backbone? To crush the bug? You are an empty place! Ballastin! Passenger! Monument! Will you order the dust to be blown off you? Dust?! Maybe wipe you with a damp cloth? Oh, you fool? What the hell are you eating here, horse nit, so that you can take everything to the latrine? To shit there? Who will flush the toilet for you? Who? I'm asking you? He also has a device, at the toilet! Here you need to know, to know! Are you on the boat or on the honorary podium, pi * orasina? And in the event of a fire, will you order you to take out first of all? Will you order to save you? May I kiss you in the ass? Look me in the eye, a sack of shit! How will you lead people? Where will you take them? And if you have to go into the fire? And if you have to give your life? You won't give your life, no-o-o-o-o. You will make other people give their lives for you! Look into my eyes! Why are you wearing a uniform, you stinking dummy! Why do you need shoulder straps? Who gave you the patches of the crew? What … gave them to you? !! He put on a pilot! Pilot! You need to join the battalion! To the squadron! For horses! To the horses to twist eggs! Commissioners …
The deputy came out of the compartment without a cap and was wet - at least squeeze it out. He lost the habit of the naval language at the academy. However, perhaps he did not know him at all.
In the evening Petrovich was poured. Petrovich drank and became - a soul-man.
