Act one
The bear was in a good mood. There were two reasons for this. Firstly, he beat everyone in snowballs, and secondly, he finally received a book ordered by mail. To do this, however, I had to try a lot (it turned out that the address: "Into the forest. To the bear." The postman even took money for the delivery, although he tried to explain that trophy Reichsmarks were no longer in use, but he firmly refused the offer.
The book was titled "How to Make Friends and Influence People" - the bear was determined to work on himself. However, he was greatly distracted from reading by the noise in the neighboring meadow - as it turned out, the idea of self-improvement did not come to him alone. The boar suddenly began another attack of activity.
In principle, this process was of a regular nature - from time to time, another idea hit the pig's head, and he began to fight furiously for all the good against all the bad in his own life. Everything ended pretty much the same too - after making a noise and causing a pogrom, the boar again fell on its side, waiting for the beginning of a new bright pore.
- Hey, boar, what is he fighting against this time?
The boar was a relative of the boar, and lived with him in the same territory, but he had a less dreamy mindset, and spent most of his time digging the ground in search of something useful, because he was firmly convinced of one thing: “You can build a better life forever, but you have to eat everyday. He had an indifferent attitude to the ideas of the boar, so he just shook his head in bewilderment when asked by the bear and again began to pick the ground.
The boar, meanwhile, proudly looked around the destroyed clearing, listening to the "wind of change" howling in his head.
- Eh, now everything will be different … - he grunt dreamily, looking around the tattered Christmas tree and disheveled bushes.
- And what will you have there differently? - the hare leaning out of the rose hips estimated the scale of the defeat and whistled, - Why did you trample the berry? Spring will come - what are you going to eat?
- Yes, to hell with a berry! The main thing is free, freely how it became! I can do anything now! I'm not afraid of anyone! Whoever does not like it, that immediately "Gat"!
- And why are you so bold?
- Do you know that the wolf does not eat pork now? He told me himself. And the tiger doesn't eat either - he says: "She's fat, my diet." They even offered to be friends. Here is the document, if you don’t believe it. "Association" is offered - not Khukhry-muhry. Who will dare me now if I am in the entoy of the "association" itself?
- Well, let me take a look. - the hare began to carefully study the leaf proudly stretched out by the boar.
- From so-and-so, oblique. I suppose they didn't offer you associations? Only me!
- Have you read STE at all?
- What for? The very fact that they consider me worthy …
- In vain. This is actually a page from a cookbook. The recipe for pork with sauce … They just wrote "Association Agreement" in pencil on top, and at the bottom they added: "… and a cauldron with a lid."
- You are just jealous!
- Yeah. The whole person was envious. By the way, it is also unclear how the bear will react to this - you are already sticking out two bags of nuts for firewood. If they "associate" you - who will give? And the boar is unlikely to be enthusiastic about the prospect of being in the same cauldron with you.
- Boar? Who's asking him. We have a brain here - me. And he is so - rummages for himself and rummages. Beast - what will you take from him? As for the bear, I'm not afraid of it either!
- What are you? Does he know about this?
- Do not believe? - the boar looked around the clearing with bloodshot eyes, - Look - his dad put marks over there. See?
He scattered and with all his might fell into the birch tree. The tree shuddered slightly. Shaking his head, the boar backed away and again took acceleration. Branches fell from the blow from above. For the third time, he finally managed to poke a birch, and he, smiling triumphantly, turned to the hare.
- And what did you achieve with this? Broke your forehead?
- Destroyed the traces of the former bloody rule! Get! Down with all the old! I'm not afraid of the bear!
- Well, the one who put these marks, let's say, is no longer there. He died - it is understandable why you are not afraid of him. And son?
- And I'm not afraid of him! And I don't owe him anything. And in general I don't need anything from him - let him choke on his firewood!
- Yeah. You will soon be "associated" with sauce - the cauldron is with you, and they have their own firewood.
- Yes, you generally criticize all my decisions! You are generally a bear henchman! Gat otsedova while I …
- For now? - calmly inquired the hare, - I will now write your feet, hind legs, along the snout - a penny to the tail will break.
- Gath. - already less confidently grunted the boar, - Do not infuriate me, you eared creature. I'm dangerous now.
- Yes. For myself, mostly. Okay, pokedova, pork, I'll stop by when you're okay.
The hare galloped off, the boar began to flap the fallen birch tree, cracking down on the memory of the "damned past", and behind the bushes, meanwhile, the bear was desperately leafing through a book, trying to drive away obsessive thoughts about barbecue.
The book advised not to succumb to anger. I should urgently calm down and pull myself together. In this, the author advised, all sorts of pleasant thoughts and good memories helped well. The bear rummaged in his head - the most pleasant memory was fishing. Dad found a gorgeous place - warm, sunny, swallows hovering over his head … True, he presented it to the boar then out of friendship … At the thought of the boar, thoughts came up again. This time about boiled pork. On the other hand, the boar decided to break with the past? Does the boar want anything from him? Down with the past? The lips themselves stretched into a grin …
Second act
- Hey, how are you doing with the reorganization? Are we going to sign the Association or what?
The tiger tried to look as friendly as possible, but the boar was still carried two meters away - in his head large predators were still under the heading "bad news".
- Uh, it's okay … With the association here, though some questions have arisen …
- What kind? Don't be afraid - don't eat. Look, he even brought some cookies.
- Yes, practically none … - the boar, still trembling, began to chew the cookies, looking at the tiger with the most devoted gaze, - Basically about the cauldron. Must it be cast iron, or will aluminum also work?
- Bring what you have, - the wolf, looking from the side, swallowed saliva, - We are not animals, we understand your difficult financial situation. The main thing is not to worry - after the association you will not need to worry about anything …
- What is it like? Is it because I have a lot of everything?
- Yes. Many. Lots of parsley, dill, celery, tomatoes, peppers, salt …
- And other delicious food. - the tiger gently pushed the salivating wolf into the background, - The main thing is that you carefully fulfill all the conditions. And wash yourself. It is necessary. How are we going to associate you unwashed?
- Wash? This is me now. This is me in an instant. - Turning around, the boar scratched to the river. Moments later, a shrill screech came from there.
- Let's see. - the tiger looked sideways at the wolf and nodded anxiously towards the source of the noise, - And how would someone before us "associate" him.
The boar rushed back and forth in panic, squealing offendedly, and a little further, on a log, sat a bear, with a book in one hand and a hefty club in the other. A thin line with a float made of cork from the Crimean port was tied to the club. Above the bear swallows, frightened by screams, circled.
- Well away! Get! Shoo! You cho, clubfoot, here is my everything! All is mine! Where have you climbed?
- Don't yell - we'll figure it out now, - having made a gesture to the boar to "shut up", the tiger cautiously approached closer, - Hey, clubfoot, the boar is nervous here - he says that you climbed into his territory.
- Who got in?
- You got in!
- Yes? Where did I go?
- To the boar's territory!
- What boar?
- This one, - the tiger pointed his finger somewhere, where, judging by the squeals, the injured party was.
- O! Boar! And what is with him?
With a groan, the tiger designed a savory "facepalm" for itself - the bear masterly exploited its image of a slow-witted dumb, although everyone has already seen (some, by the way, posthumously) that, if necessary, he can think and move with lightning speed.
- Here. This. Boar. Is talking. What. YOU! Climbed in. On. HIS! Territory. What can you explain to us?
- I AM? Yes, I'm good. I'm fishing. Here's a fishing rod. - the bear showed everyone a club, - What's the problem?
- The problem is, - the tiger sighed wearily, - that this is the territory of the boar.
- With what fright?
- Because he lives here.
- Yes, not a fig. Here they are, - the bear pointed to the swallows, - they live here. And he only comes here to devour.
- And nevertheless, it is impossible to climb into someone else's territory without an invitation?
- Striped, are you completely swollen? Look at yourself first. By the way, I was just invited.
- Who? Swallows?
- Aha! They are exactly what they are! - the bear happily waved to the birds circling in the sky. - They say the boar was completely furious - it rushes about like a public, breaks trees, tramples bushes, can bring down the shore. And they have nests there, by the way. So they asked me to sit. Guard. So that everyone is calmer.
- Why are we talking to him at all! - emboldened, in the presence of a tiger and a wolf, the boar, belligerently dug the ground with his hoof, and rushed to the attack, - Gat him!
The book advised to smile more often. According to the author, this disposed those around him. Therefore, the bear smiled, showing everyone the palisade of long, though not very clean, fangs. The boar, seeing them, braked as if it had hit a concrete wall, and the tiger and the wolf jumped into a safe distance.
- What are you doing? Are you threatening?
- Not. This is a new feature - "politeness". We smile, we are not rude, we greet everyone. Hello boar …
- Oh, and do not care. And I didn't really want to, - without taking his eyes off the "smile", the boar began to back up, - Give it up. I will soon have a lot of things, and you will bite your elbows …
- We will impose sanctions, - the wolf leaned out again, - Right on the threshold.
- And I'm glad to see you, - the bear turned, showing all three immense shaggy ass, - It's a pity that you already went from here to hell.
- We are leaving, - the tiger commanded gloomily, - We will think about the sanctions. It is necessary that they are not watery, but not too hard - of the correct consistency.
Act three - not finished
- You already have something sensible to advise me?
The boar ran excitedly around the goat, which sat and thoughtfully chewed his tie. He needed a tie for solidity - the goat had already gotten rid of the bear, and now he considered himself a world-renowned bear expert, so he tried to look presentable. Having straightened the horns, which, after that, kept on the scotch tape and constantly fell off, he began to pensively draw on the ground with his hoof.
- Well, if you take into account your stubble, skin, and the percentage of fat content, then if you gain a couple more kilos, the bear may well have heartburn. And if you wallow in the mud, then an upset stomach. This is, you know, not huhry-muhry. By the way, if the boar also connects, there is generally … The boar is bristly, and the skin is thicker. Hehe - he will be toiling with a stomach for a month.
- What are you? At all? What the fuck is heartburn?
- Strong.
- And I? What is he? Eat me up?
- Of course it's a bear. But you yourself understand - if you eat so much fat at a time …
- And if you connect a tiger? Wolf? To lean on him together.
- It would be nice. Then he would not have had time to devour you, perhaps. To crush - would crush, but definitely would not have time to devour. - the goat thoughtfully scratched his head, - Only they will not agree.
- Why? We are friends with them now.
- Not friends, but partners. Do not confuse.
- What's the difference?
- They are partners, as it were, for you, but as if in general. Up to a certain limit. The partnership has clear boundaries.
- And how to determine where this border is?
- Easily. Where a bear's claws begin, there is a border.
- Huh. - the boar grunted in disappointment, - And I thought …
- I thought too. - the goat pointed gloomily at the falling off horns, - Then they explained to me. Here the matter is, after all, you can fill up a bear, if in a crowd.
- So what are they?
- The fact is that a bear can overwhelm someone. The creature is healthy.
- Well, yes - maybe.
“And then the others will divide up his territory. Why should she disappear?
- Reasonable.
- And so. - the goat sighed heavily, - Everyone wants to divide the vacated territory, but no one wants to be the one who will free it. Therefore, everyone sits and waits until someone grapples with the bear, so that they can pounce on the back and remain whole. And everyone understands that the one who pops up first is not a tenant. Therefore, they urge each other on, but no one moves from their place. So there is no hope for them.
But you still have a boar!
- Come on, this brute! - the boar waved his hoof in disappointment, - He only knows what to poke around in the ground, but there is zero sense from it!
- Duc you seem to be eating together what he digs up.
- Yeah. Only for this I endure him. The rest is a stupid, unprincipled brute completely devoid of the flight of thought. Cattle, if you know what I mean. Do you understand?
The boar looked around in surprise and did not find the goat. Instead, a boar stood in front of him. And judging by the appearance, he listened to his last monologue, and listened attentively. The boar cautiously poked him into a nickle, and squeaked "kysh", but this did not make an impression on the boar. In addition, it turned out that the border of the partnership passes not only where the bear's claws begin, but also along the line of the boar's tusks - a tiger and a wolf were sitting on the hill, and diligently pretended that they were working on sanctions. On the opposite side of the clearing, in the bushes, a bear was sitting, and diligently pretended that he was not there … It was getting dark.
