The adventures of not a brave and not a soldier

The adventures of not a brave and not a soldier
The adventures of not a brave and not a soldier

Video: The adventures of not a brave and not a soldier

Video: The adventures of not a brave and not a soldier
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Greetings, friends. I bring to your attention a free arrangement of the beginning of the excellent book by J. Hasek "The Adventures of the Gallant Soldier Schweik". The story does not carry a lot of semantic load and is written just for relaxation. The idea to process comrade Hasek belongs to the reader of the site andrei332809. It was he who made me re-read this glorious work and "sketch out" something.


A great era needs great people. But in the world there are also unrecognized, modest, supposedly heroes who have not won the glory of Napoleon for themselves. History says nothing about them. But upon careful analysis, their glory would overshadow even the glory of Alexander the Great.

Nowadays, you can meet such a hero either on Khreshchatyk, or in the Rada, or in the SBU, but not at the front. This man himself does not even suspect what his significance is in the history of a new great epoch. He modestly goes his own way, does not bother anyone, and they do not bother him, and if they bother, then only journalists asking for an interview.

If you asked him his last name, he would answer simply and modestly: "Semenchenko."

“They killed your battalion,” said Semenchenko, his maid.

Several years ago, after the medical commission recognized him as an idiot, the aforementioned Semenchenko tried to find a place in various government structures of the Square, changing his first and last names, but only after the Maidan did his dream come true. In addition, he suffered from rheumatism and moronism and was currently rubbing his butt with alcohol.

- What battalion, Mrs. Farion? - Semenchenko asked, without ceasing to massage the ass. - I know two battalions. One battalion under the name "Donbass" is gloriously fighting under my command in the east, and the second is here, in Kiev, so that everyone can see that we have no losses.

- No, your battalion was killed. The one that was near Ilovaisk …

- Jesus Mary! - cried Semenchenko. - Here are the ones! And what happened to the battalion?

- Yes, they killed him near Ilovaisk, sir. From Grad and artillery. They rode with their equipment in a convoy, and they tried to shoot …

- Tell your mercy, Mrs. Farion, in the column! Probably, they did not think that the column trips could end badly. Yes, even in New Russia! Novorossiya - it is in the east, Mrs. Fahrion … And it seems that the Russians have set it up. There was nothing for us to take away Ukraine from them … Here are the things, madam Farion. The battalion, therefore, ordered to live long. Have you suffered for a long time?

“He died right there, sir. It is known - with the "Grads" and the militia, jokes are bad. Recently, near the border, a brigade of the Armed Forces of Ukraine tried to play with heavy equipment and was surrounded, and even died, and even grabbed others, who went to see who was shooting at the militia.

- From other equipment, Mrs. Farion, even if you burst, you cannot shoot. Such a technique is an abyss. But they probably bought something special for the battalion. And I'm ready to wager that the Russians have it. And the Russians are not honest at all. Today there are few honest people, Mrs. Farion. It seems to me that there are only a few of them: me, well, a couple more. Uh … Did they put you in full?

- The newspapers write that the battalion was like a sieve, sir.

“This is done extremely quickly, Mrs. Farion. Scary fast. For such a case, I would buy myself a bow: it looks like a toy, and from it you can shoot twenty terrorists in no time, even if they are skinny, even if they are fat. However, speaking between us, Mrs. Farion, you will get into a fat one rather than a skinny one. Well, I went to the hospital. I still need to heal the battle wounds. Leave the key with the gatekeeper.