August 6, 1942
Dear Lida! Finally got a letter. The letter that calmed me down. I am glad that my assumptions about the reason for the delay did not come true. I changed my mind a lot during this time. Still, I want to tell you frankly what I think about. I don’t know how to explain that there is some line between us that we haven’t crossed yet. I want to ask you a question. Try to answer it. In your letter, you write that you feel guilty about the long delay in the letter. Was it just one doubt about my address that made you stop writing to me? And if I was wounded, and seriously wounded, what could I not write to you on my own? So you would have limited yourself to expecting letters from me? Do you know that in addition to physical pain, mental suffering would be added, which for me is worse than any wound. Fate is still merciful towards me, but every day, hour, misfortune can happen. No offense to you, it was said, but I can give a number of examples when care was shown for a loved one. The wife, mother or father did not confine themselves to personal letters, trying to find out the fate of a loved one, they wrote, telegraphed to the unit in order to find out something. You have not received letters from me for a long time, why did you show such carelessness about finding out my fate? I know you thought about me, you were nervous, because I am still a father of two children and your husband, but it doesn’t fit in my head, and I can’t come to terms with your argument for the delay in letters. Why didn't you ask me a question about the reason for the delay?
2Lida! You know me (though you don't quite understand yet), you know that I have never complained to you about my fate. Even in the smallest troubles, I tried to present everything to you in such an explanation in order to spare your pride and health. You know that I love you, you know what kind of love I show to our guys - this cannot be neglected. I do not demand pity from you for me. Pity and sincere love are two opposite things, but only the latter gives rise to the former. Do not think that I am so dull that I have lost all human senses. The laws of war are harsh. You know, Lida, I love my Motherland very much and I just can't come to terms with the idea that we will be defeated. I don’t want to brag about you, but I’m not a coward (they wrote about me and two comrades in the front-line newspaper Stalinskaya Pravda), and therefore you won’t blush for me. I am still young, I want to live, I want and dream to see you all, but my fate is unknown. (I am writing to you, and shells are flying overhead.) My former letters and this letter must leave some trace in your memory. I want you to remember only good things about me. Do not be offended by the reproaches I have written to you. You must understand that only a person without a soul and insincerely loving could remain silent about what I wrote to you.
In turn, I also want to clarify your attitude towards me. I don’t want to hide anything from you. I dream that the line that exists between us does not exist. I want you to be a sincere and very close person with me.
Dear Lida! I am very happy for the guys. Your description of Natasha delights me. Unfortunately, you speak too coldly about Volodya. Lida, you must understand that the two of us are to blame for his behavior and character. It will be harder for him in the future than for Natasha. Love for a child is not explained only by the fact that he is being cared for, i.e. he is dressed, shod, full. He needs affection. Fair caress, in which he would not see the difference in attitude. I assure you, he will be much better if you change your attitude towards him. In general, the mother's children should be the same.
I am glad that your food is doing well. The Germans are not having any success. It's easy for me to serve. The soldiers respect me, take care of me. I am confident that none of them will fail in battle. If you have to die, then all die together.
Write to me how all our people live. How is the health of grandfather, grandmother? How is Kolya doing, what does Kostya write? How do Sonya and Alexei Vasilyevich live? Say hello to Vera and all your relatives in general. I hope that you will fulfill my request as I asked, i.e. not only will you send a photo of the guys, but you will also be filmed with them. This I ask you to do without fail. Tell Volodya to write me a letter. As soon as I choose the time, I will write to him separately.
This concludes the letter. I do not demand an immediate answer from you. Before you write, think about what and what to write about. I wish you all good health.
I hug and kiss tightly.
Your Vasya
17 August 1942
Hello, my dear, dear Lida! How can you explain your long silence? Has anything bad happened at home that you dare not tell me? You need to confess directly to you: I am very offended at you. Almost all of my comrades receive letters on a regular basis, and for a month now I have not heard from either you or my mother. Can't you understand how hard it is for me? There is nothing to be offended at me for. As soon as time permits, I write, and if I delay with the answer, then you yourself must understand where I am. I informed you that I am in continuous combat. I can't do self-praise, but you won't have to blush for me. I defend my homeland in good faith. In the area where our unit operates, things are going well. We hit Fritz well, and he doesn’t really stick his nose towards us. We have no offensive, on the contrary, we are pushing it from our land. The fighters are in a good mood. (Nrzb) of the Southern Front, where our Red Army was forced to retreat. We all hope for a quick turnaround and then we will chase the Germans in such a way that they will feel sick. Don't worry about me. I’m feeling good, except that you make me worry because you don’t write. I eat well, much better than in citizenship lately. I can’t be offended by my health either. There are, of course, some troubles, but they are caused by the conditions of the front. I described everything about myself, I hope that you will be calm for me. My comrades in the service are good, relations with them are also good. The fighters that I currently have to command also respect me, and therefore it is easy for me to endure the difficulties that I encounter.
Lida, on the 14th or 15th I sent you 500 rubles. In days I will send more. As soon as the opportunity presents itself, I will send the certificate. I absolutely do not need money, because there is nowhere to buy them at the front, and therefore I will send you 700-800 rubles every month.
Write to me how you live. How are Natasha, Volodya, yours, grandfathers, grandmothers, Kolya feeling? How do Sonya and Alexei Vasilyevich live and in general about everything. I hope you received the letter that I sent between the 11th and 12th. In this letter, under the influence of my mood, I wrote to you what worries me. I hope you are not offended by me for this letter. If I am wrong, then you will excuse me. Dear Lida, if you only knew how worried I am about you. I am especially worried about how you eat there. I know that the whole burden of raising the children fell on you, but you should not lose heart, on the contrary, a cheerful mood will make it easier to endure all the burdens. For your behavior towards me, I am calm. You, of course, do not be surprised at the last phrase. I absolutely do not want to suspect you of something bad, just collective memories of the family sometimes slip among us and involuntarily some of them have great doubts about the behavior of their wives.
We have no requests at the front, but there are orders that, no matter what difficulties they present, must be followed.3 It’s a pity that I cannot order you, but I’ll still try. The order will be as follows: no matter what it costs you, no matter how much time you have to spend, you must send me a photo of the children and yourself. Contact Aleksey Vasilyevich for assistance, I think this can be done. I had to part with your and Volodina's photograph. This was not my fault. I will describe this case to you. Once, enemy aircraft appeared over the location of our battery. I don’t know how they noticed us, but several bombs fell. We have three people wounded, one killed. My duffel bag was also damaged. Things were scattered about. And my comrades were surprised at me when, regardless of the danger, I looked for the book where your photograph was kept. From this incident, it will become clear to you how valuable she was to me. I hope that you will carry out my "order".
Dear Lida, so that I have the opportunity to write to you more often, send me some envelopes and paper by parcel post. Otherwise, I have absolutely no flaw. Everything is enough for me. Write to me if you receive letters from Moscow. What do they write? How do they live? What does Kolya write? And in general, try to write more about everything and most importantly - send me the photos as soon as possible.
Maybe I am in vain to make a complaint against you that you do not write to me. Maybe the mail is to blame for this? In the letter you tell me when you wrote the last letter. Lida, I beg you, write to me as often as possible, if time permits, that in a day. Bear in mind that if you do not, then I will also rarely write.
I wish you all the best in your life. I kiss and hug you all tightly.
Your Vasya
Pre-war photo of grandfather Vasily Mikhailovich with his son Vladimir
August 24, 1942
1Hello, dear Lida! I am already writing you the fifth letter, but I have lost all hope to receive from you. How can you explain your long silence? It's hard for me to convey to you how worried I am. I had a definite opinion that something happened at home. I just can't come to terms with the idea that the delay in letters is due to the fault of the mail. If I were sure that everything was going well at home and that the delay in the letters was due to your fault, I would have thrown you an insulting reproach. I am far from thinking to suspect you of something bad. I am sure that the reason for the delay in the letters is completely different, but I assure you that I will have the courage to reschedule any of your messages, no matter how hard it may be for me. When my comrades are interested in my family or we share memories of a peaceful life, how many good things about you and the guys you just can't tell them. When asked whether I receive letters from home, how things are at home, I do not know what to answer. You feel somehow uncomfortable with yourself. Moreover, the soul becomes hard, heavy and painful that you have been forgotten. Do I really deserve something that they do not consider it necessary to inform me for such a long time? Dear Lida! Maybe you were sick? Maybe you are sick at the moment? Then someone from my family would write me a letter. I am not writing to you about the illness of the guys or anyone else. I know you would tell me about it. We must not forget that here at the front we are fully aware of how difficult it is for you in the rear. If you compare you and me, then I can safely say that you have a harder time. But the requirement that is presented to me by the Motherland, I honestly and conscientiously fulfill. You won't have to blush for me.
They provide me with everything. You have to think about yourself, about children and provide us with everything we need. I really appreciate the work of the rear and I am aware of the hardships of the war resting on your shoulders. We eat much better than you. Sometimes we get cookies. When I eat it, I involuntarily remember the guys. I would gladly give up this luxury so that our children get it.
Dear Lida, keep in mind that I am in battles almost continuously. It is possible that misfortune will happen to me. It will be much easier for me to endure everything if I am calm for you. Please write to me more and more often. Don't limit yourself to dry messages. Write about yourself in more detail. I want to know your mood and thoughts. How is Natasha's health, yours, Volodya's, grandmother's, Kolya's? How do they live? What does Kostya write? How do Sonya and Alexei Vasilyevich live? Does Volodya go to school? If so, I congratulate him. Try to impress upon him the seriousness of this matter. After all, he will soon be your little assistant. Do not forget to remind the guys about me, otherwise I will come, and they will not know me properly. In general, you should have a lot of topics for letters, I will not report them, I hope that you yourself will guess what to write to me, so that I have the pleasure of reading them.
I would like to inform you that I received a letter from Moscow. Manya writes. All is well at home. It is very calm in Moscow now. With food, it became easier. Vera came to Moscow with the guys. She is not prescribed, cards are not given. Manya finds it difficult to write about how they live. They only force mom to get upset once again and help them, you yourself know that mom has nothing to do! Sergei still works in Moscow, and they don't have to complain or blame anyone. The rest are still living.
Dear Lida! I wanted to send you a money order at the same time as this letter, but there is no form. I'll send it as soon as I get it.
Don't worry about me. I feel great. My health is good. If it were not for the care and thought about you, then everything would be fine. This concludes the letter. I will not write any more until I receive a letter from you. I beg you, send me what I asked you, i.e. photographs.
I hug and kiss everyone tightly.
Your Vasya
October 8, 1942
Hello, my dear Lida! I'm sorry I delayed the letter. You don't need to be offended at me for this. You yourself know very well how time allows me, then I write often. I don't know what your reason is, I haven't received any letters from you for a long time. The last letter I received was dated September 21. I will try to answer it for you. First of all, it's a pity that you misunderstood me. Do you really think that I was pursuing the goal of offending you? It hurt you to tears when you read my letter. Yes. I have the courage to admit even that I do not quite understand you. My hopes for your answer did not materialize. You think I am guilty that I asked you a few questions, and also gave a number of examples.
I may be wrong. If my memory serves me, then in my last letters I did not touch upon the issue of our relations in the past. I did not throw you a single reproach, but, on the contrary, remembered our life only from the good side. How I deserved that you reminded me of my words - I don't know. I will not write to you what I think and worry about after reading your letter. I'm afraid of offending you. In general, we will have to change the writing style. Let's not put each other on the future … We have no need to quarrel. I admitted my guilt. Perhaps you will agree that you were not quite right. I still live. I was busy lately and could not find a time to write to you. My mood is not brilliant. Frankly, I really miss home. You write very rarely. There have been no letters from Moscow for a long time either. In general, it should be noted that if you yourself do not show initiative in this area, then you will not have to receive an extra letter. I look forward to when you fulfill my request. Perhaps you are so busy that you cannot choose a free minute to take a photo. But I ask you again. You must understand that this is …
October 18, 1942
Good afternoon, dear Lida!
I have lost hope of receiving a letter from you. What is the reason that prevents you from writing a letter to me - I do not know. Of course, you yourself take offense at me for the fact that I rarely write, but I have much less free time than you. I am still alive and well. I feel good. If not for the absence of letters from you, then in general the mood would be good. It's a shame that some comrades receive letters, but I, as if it were a sin, just wait and all my expectations remain in vain. Very boring. I often remember everyone. Lately, have been dreaming in a dream. Now we are on the right bank of the Dnieper, we are driving the Germans further and further, and I hope that in the near future we will defeat the enemy and return all home.
I congratulate everyone on the 7th of November. Write more letters. I remain alive and well and wish you the same. I hug and kiss everyone tightly. Vasya. I'm in a hurry.
Grandmother's brother Konstantin Vasilyevich Emelyanov, also fought
November 4, 1942
Dear Lida! After a long break, I received two letters from you at once. On November 1, I wrote to you, where I told you why there were no letters from me for so long. I am very pleased that things are going well at home. I am a little offended at you, that 4 you can assume that I might be offended by you for not sending me a package. Stupid (you, of course, do not be offended that I call you that), do you really think that I do not understand your position? If I received anything from you, I would only be offended for it. I perfectly understand how difficult it is for you to live. What I'm asking of you is to worry less about me. Believe me, everything is enough for me. The best gift from you is frequent letters and, if possible, your photographs, so that I have the opportunity to look at the faces that are dear to me. Your description of Natasha, Volodya and myself calms me down a little and makes me happy, but I want to always have your faces in front of my eyes. I wrote to you what changes have happened to me. It must be said frankly that I am now exposed to much less danger. My position is still uncertain.
Dear Lida! Perhaps, on my part, assistance to you will be temporarily delayed, but do not be offended. As soon as there is an opportunity, and I hope that it will be soon, so I will try to help you. We are fully prepared for winter. I'm dressed warmly. Hearty. I just really, really miss everyone.5 I really miss my job. I would like to write to Nevsky asking him to send me some materials from the institute. I'll try to get busy at the front. By this, I think to benefit my homeland.
Lida! By the way, I wrote to you about sending me knives and something else. I know if this presents even the slightest difficulty, then you can refrain from doing it.
The days go by very quickly. 7 It's already the ninth month since I left home. During this time, many changes have taken place. I have changed too, but don't think for the worse. No. It seems to me that everything that I had is what remains. Only the fact that I got to know people better was added. I realized a lot in life that had remained incomprehensible before. I learned and understood what deprivation is. I am not offended by fate. I perfectly understand what caused all this, and like any living person I dream of returning home with victory and again continuing to live with my family. Although we sometimes had problems, in general our life was not bad. … you will not be offended by me, and if I returned, then I am sure that we would have healed much better. For some reason, I have a great concern for you, whether you will be able to endure all the hardships of the war. Do not lose the presence of cheerfulness yourself. I'm sure, of course, that you gave everything to your family.
I know that you deprive yourself of a lot for the sake of the guys, but you have to think about yourself. Their fate depends on your health. You must take care of yourself for their sake.
No one knows what the future holds for us. Even greater hardships are possible, but they, I know, will be, and therefore you be more energetic. Arrange your life according to conditions. Adapt to life. Most importantly, don't panic. There is no one to hope for. … depends more on its own destiny. I know that you understand everything perfectly well without my advice, but still I want to remind you once again.
The holidays were calm. We confined ourselves to mere recollections of how we met them before the war. Write to me how you conducted them.
At the present time we have a lull at the front. There are no active actions. The enemy has no success. I think he will not like our Russian winter and … will feel more trouble. Well, Lida, this concludes my letter. Write about everything more often.
8Your memories of my wires and their comparison with Alexei Vasilyevich’s wires are in vain. I could not, and I had no right to demand more from you. I know, if there was an opportunity, then everything possible would be done for me as well. I didn't even think to be offended, on the contrary, I myself felt guilty of something.
…in life. Do not forget me. Write more and more. Your letters are very short and dry. Don't refer to my character and "upbringing." Be just a little more responsible and sincere, and you are much … words to write about for me.
I hug and kiss everyone tightly. Your Vasya.
Once again: write more often. Never mind if there are delays on my part. My new address is Field Mail 151, part 472. Kisses again.
Vasya
December 16, 1942
My dear Lidusha! I chose a free minute and decided to write you a letter. I know that the desire to receive letters from me has increased lately. I explain this by the active actions of our troops, and since you do not know where I am, you can assume that I am in great danger. I can calm you down. I still feel good. I absolutely do not need anything. There are some moments in my life that make my life not monotonous. 6 I can't sit around. The desire to do more good to my homeland makes me apply my knowledge at the front. Perhaps there will be a change in my life soon. Today I received a letter with good news. I'm not going to tell you what I offered, it will not be clear to you, but in this letter I was informed that my proposal was reported to the head of the political department of the army and the command. Tomorrow I'm waiting for a special. a correspondent who comes to our unit to talk to me. I do not know what this whole story will turn into, but it should not go unnoticed. I absolutely do not want to reassure you, time will tell how things will turn out, so you especially do not attach any importance to my letter. I know that I piqued your curiosity, and therefore I will try to write you letters more often, and therefore, you will be aware of all events.
I wish you a Happy New Year. We have to hold the second meeting separately. The year passed unnoticed. I still have vividly preserved memories of the reasons that do not allow me to meet 1942 with you. Basically, the culprit was the war, but now it is exclusively. I hope we will hold the 1944 meeting together and in a peaceful atmosphere.
On the 12th I received a parcel and a small letter from Moscow. I am also grateful to them for the attention they give me. They sent cigarettes, a pen with an eternal nib, tooth powder, some wine, i.e. what I asked them. You probably think that I am offended by you for not being able to send me the package. I beg you very much not to do this. I perfectly understand what this is connected with, and I absolutely do not need anything. I am writing this to you quite sincerely, and you don’t try not only to send, but also to apologize to me for not being able to do this. In this I will be sure that you do not know me very well yet. What can I ask you and what will be better for me than any parcel - these are frequent letters from you. They bring me great pleasure and allow me to be with you at least in letters.
I remain alive and well.
Write letters in more detail and more often. More about Natasha, Volodya and myself. How do all our people live and about everything in general.
I hug and kiss everyone tightly. Your Vasya.
March 3, 1944
My dear, dear Lida! After a forced long silence, I have the opportunity to write you a letter. Believe me, lately we have been on the move and fighting almost all the time. We are currently being given a rest. How long it will last, I don't know. A long stay at the front, and almost all the time being close to the enemy, makes life in the shallow rear kind of strange. Much seems to be incomprehensible, from many we have lost the habit. It is difficult for you to imagine what pleasure a person gets to sleep in warmth, especially if he has the opportunity to undress and take off his shoes. There is a bath, one of the best pleasures, and clean linen is a luxury. Observing the life of people in the rear, and especially the relationship between men and women, often leads to sad reflections. I am not going to condemn or criticize people - I know that most people have only animal feelings, but the frivolity with which people often treat this issue outrages me. Dear Lida! Do not be offended by the fact that I am writing to you about this. Do not make the assumption that I allow myself to think about your frivolous behavior. If you and your family were not dear to me, then I generally paid little attention to this. Often, against my will, and especially when I do not have the opportunity to receive letters from you for a long time, my imagination draws the darkest pictures. Then I am very offended at you and I feel very, very hurt for your inattention to me. Perhaps you, in turn, are offended for the fact that I rarely write, but you must believe me that in most cases it does not depend on me. Sometimes your long silence makes me more indifferent to my duties, my mood becomes bad - any desire to write disappears.
A little about my life. I am still alive and well. The mood is good. Recently I had to go through a lot, both mentally and physically. He was exposed to great dangers, but fate is so far merciful. The regimental commander presented me for the award - the Order of the Red Banner, so you won't have to blush for me. Much in my life will remain incomprehensible to you. Perhaps I will explain it to you someday, and then you will understand. A sense of duty to the Motherland makes me put up with all the difficulties that I have to experience, but I do not lose hope to meet with you, and this will be one of the happiest days in my life.
The last letter from you and Volodya received in the 20th of January. Since then, not a single letter from you or from Moscow. Who, where and how he lives, I do not know. I miss Natasha, Volodya, you, of course, and often remember my grandparents. I owe them a lot, for the whole difficulty of upbringing fell on you and on them.
Don't count it as unnecessary work - write more and more. I make the assumption that it is not long before the time when we will have the opportunity to meet, and if everything goes well, we will live as before, but I am sure that it will be much better, more friendly, and we will appreciate each other more.
Write to me about your mood, lifestyle and everything in general. Write more about children.
I hug and kiss everyone tightly.
Your Vasya
April 3, 1944
Dear Lida! It may seem strange to you, but it seems difficult for me to write you a letter. I cannot say that I am busy and do not have enough time now. This is explained solely by the fact that for almost three months I have not received letters from you. If you could imagine my mood, then I assure you that you would not delay writing to me once again. It’s hard and upsetting for me, and at the same time I cannot blame you for being the cause of the delay. If I received regular letters in a calm atmosphere, then the delay would be understandable for me, because frequent transfers from one sector of the front to another delay the normal delivery of mail. I hope your memory serves you. Once you wrote to me that my letters bring you not only joy, but you read them with pleasure. How difficult it is sometimes to give this pleasure, especially when you do not receive letters for a long time. You are a close enough person for me, and therefore limiting yourself to a dry and formal letter means showing your indifference to you. To write once again about your feelings, guesses, ridiculous assumptions is stupid. War plays on your nerves enough already, so you have to take that into account. Believe me, every letter of yours, whatever its content, is of great value to me. I perfectly know your character, habits, I know your attitude towards me in the past, I have not forgotten the expression of your personal feelings towards me, and therefore I regard your letters in my own way. For an outsider, they may seem too monotonous and, perhaps, official, for me - not. War is an institution of life. I used to know little about human psychology. Along with honest people, you meet bad, and sometimes scoundrels. You see life from the bad side. You are convinced of what you had no idea about before the war, and if you did, it was not on such a scale. Having graduated from such an "institute", a person can always determine the honesty and sincerity of a friend without error.
I really like one song, and I purr it often. Its content is as follows:
There is your card
So, it means that we are always with you, My lovely.
Comrades sometimes tease, but then, of course, they calm down.
I don't have any special changes yet. I'm still alive and well. I remember you all very often. I expect a separate letter from Volodya. Happy birthday to him. I can’t imagine him in my mind. He still seems to me to be my little son, with whom I have to go to the store to buy him a toy, and if a book, then necessarily with pictures. Probably for me, if I come back, at first I will need to ask you what interests him. Natasha is generally a mystery to me. Although you always write about her for the better than about Volodya, I have no idea about her. I remember her as a helpless little daughter, for whom, apart from anxiety (that she had nothing to eat during the war), she delivered nothing to me. I loved her in my own way, but in this love there was more pity for her. You admire her, and that is why you would make me an invaluable pleasure if you could take a picture with the children and send me a card.
Do not be offended by past letters. None of my letters is intended to offend you, and if I did something to offend you, then you should understand6 I am a living person and have feelings. Please write to me more and more often. It seems to me that the wait will not be long. I have been at the front for the third year, but they seemed like an eternity to me. The mood in the army and among the people is good. I crossed the old border long ago, I hope that soon we will not only liberate our Motherland, but also defeat the enemy, and then we will live much better than we lived before.
Congratulations to all on May 1. I wish you all the best. I hug and kiss everyone tightly.
Your Vasya
June 5, 1944
Dear Lida! I am sure in advance that you again take offense at me for my long silence. Unfortunately, there were reasons that did not allow me to write earlier. I am very, very grateful to you for the photo. If you could guess how much joy she gave me. Sometimes it seems to me that I have become closer to you. Peering into the traits dear to me, I am mentally transferred to the past, and together with joyful memories of the past, you dream of a good future. Duty and conscience to the Motherland makes me put up with many things, but if you only knew how boring, hard, hard sometimes it becomes, not physically, but morally. Do not think that this is due to being at the front. There is no feeling of fear - it has atrophied. Having spent my third year at the front, I became indifferent to many things. It becomes hard because you are very bored. There is no prospect of meeting soon. You have to put your personal interests on the back burner. Reading your last letters, which, in spite of everything, were very short and dry, I became convinced that it is also hard for you to wait for me. True, you promise to wait, which, of course, makes me very happy, but at the same time I am worried about the conditions of your material life, from which, I know, your mood can change. Do not be surprised at the last words, and most importantly, do not be offended. Of course, I have absolutely no right to suspect you of something bad, but, unfortunately, life itself, its harsh laws make me think not what I would like.
In the photo, you look as cute, good as you ever were. Your barely noticeable smile is just as simple and pleasant. Volodya has also changed. I feel that I have grown. Natasha - this black-eyed daughter delights me. Do not be jealous of Volodya, but I stare at her much more than at you. Perhaps this is due to the fact that your images have not been erased from my memory, and I have seen Natasha least of all. The overall impression you are all making is good.
I'm worried about Kolya's fate. Has he not told you anything about himself until now? Write me his address and, if you know, last place of stay.
I rarely receive letters from Moscow. I'm sorry I have to finish the letter. I'm in a hurry. I will try to write in more detail for days.
The letter was interrupted.
I hug and kiss everyone tightly.
Your Vasya
July 4, 1944
Dear Lida!
Perhaps you are again at a loss for my silence. Unfortunately, I have not had the opportunity to write to you before. This is explained by the fact that I did not feel very well. You, of course, do not worry. Now I feel good, and therefore I hasten to answer your letters, which, besides pleasure, made me forget the reproaches that I wrote before. Do not think that I want to remind you of something once again. On the contrary, now I feel quite calm and glad that you continue and remain the same sweet, good and at the same time caring mother. I understand you. It is hard to feel constant dependence, but believe me, Lida: I will be grateful all my life to your parents for helping to keep my family alive, and I hope I will not remain indebted to them. I feel sorry for you that you have to work so hard and worry. I sincerely ask you to take care of yourself, because your health is important for the guys.
I am glad that you have such good dreams for the future. Although I am exposed to dangers, I never admit the thought that anything could happen to me. Although I think that I have a family, I have never been and will not be a coward and you will not have to blush for me. The events and successes of the last days are very encouraging. It seems that the day is not far off when dreams will come true. O! If you knew what and how much you have to dream about at the front. These dreams are varied. The main dream is to defeat the enemy as soon as possible. We often paint ourselves a picture of returning home, meeting with everyone, and then it becomes easier to endure the hardships that arise at the front. It becomes especially good when you know that you have beloved children, a wife who are waiting for you. Believe me, rarely a day goes by when I would not look at a photograph. I have studied your face so much (I have not forgotten yours, and it has changed little) that you always stand in front of me.
Don't worry about me yet. I am alive and well. Mood is good. I recently received a letter from Sergei. He is lucky, he was 10 days in Moscow. He writes that there is also a lot of work in the gardens. It's hard for mom, but Alexander helps her well, who is now on a business trip to Golutvino (100 km from Moscow). Petya and Claudia in Irkutsk. They live modestly. Tanya with her family in Shatsk. Manya works in the same place. Shura on the Belorussian Front. Everything would be fine if that uncertainty with Kolya was resolved for the better, and for our relatives this is the first trouble. Still, I hope for a good outcome.
I am very happy for Volodya, or rather, for his success in school. It worries that he sometimes gives you trouble and you have lost hope of eliminating them. This business, of course, everything will work out, and I hope that he, like Natasha, will only bring you joy. Tell him not to take offense at me. I will try to write him a letter soon.
Write, Lida, more often. Do not be offended if there are delays from me. Know that my thoughts were and will always be with you.
Hello to all relatives.
I hug and kiss everyone tightly.
Your Vasya.
Greetings from our fellow countryman Zhenya - my front-line friend.
August 20, 1944
Dear Lida! Sadly, but I again gave you unnecessary worries with my silence. Believe me, Lida! This is not because I changed my feelings for you. Vice versa. Every day you and the children become more dear to me. How nice it is to know that there is a person who believes, waits and hopes for a meeting. How this hope makes it easier to experience the hardships caused by the war. Know, Lida, wherever I am, no matter what happens to me, my thoughts will always be with you. The family for me was and will remain the most precious thing. You will find my words strange, but I can tell you that I sacrifice a lot for the sake of my family. Someday I will explain to you what the essence of my words is, but for now they will remain unknown to you.
Please don’t think that having a family can make me a coward. The homeland is as dear to me as you are, and I have never been and will not be a coward, but at the same time I know that I must not forget about you. Do not be offended that I rarely write. It is quite clear to me that every person's joy for the successes of the Red Army is associated with concern for the fate of loved ones at the front. War does not happen without victims, and therefore playing on the nerves with silence is very bad. I am perfectly aware of this and at the same time I cannot understand my mood. Sometimes I try to suggest that I am right, because I rarely receive letters from you (the last letter is June 18). Sometimes you want to write a rude letter, and then you calm down and try to instill that the mail is to blame for this. It becomes especially offensive when, after a long break, letters are brought to the unit and you are not among the happy ones who received news from home. Usually in such cases I start to "study" your old letters and in most cases I calm down.
Now I am in Poland. The mood of the residents in relation to the Red Army is not bad. The German also annoyed them enough. The successes of the Red Army and the Allies speak volumes. Despite the fact that everyone is terribly tired of the war, the mood in the army is not bad. Everyone lives in the hope that the German will soon be defeated. He frankly admits: everyone is tired of this war. It is hard to think that three years have been erased from life. And how many people died. Sometimes it gets scary to think. There are very few people left with whom I went to the front. The rest are crippled or killed. Now we are located in the forest. The nearest settlement is 3 km away, but our front line is located there. We have a lull after the onset. Nevertheless, when I write this letter to you, sometimes my thoughts are distracted by German shells. True, you are accustomed to them and you are indifferent, but still they do not let you forget that there is war all around.
The weather is favorable for us. After a few days, when it was raining and there was nowhere to dry, the days were clear and warm. We sleep in the open air, and I often remember Stalingrad, when you and I slept on the balcony. Nature does not recognize that war. Despite the fact that the forest has suffered from ruptures, everything lives around. The birds do not stop singing, there are enough raspberries and nuts, and if it were not for the shots, one would think that you are at the dacha.
Don't worry about me yet. I am alive and well. The mood is good. I really miss Natasha, Volodya and, of course, about you. I also haven't received a letter from Moscow for a long time. I don’t know how they live there. I rarely write there myself. I beg you, Lida, write more often. Even a few words, but they will be dear to me in their own way. I know your "love" to write letters. For some reason it seems to you that there is nothing to write, but I'm not going to be demanding of you. Write about your life. About the guys. About what's new in your home. What does Kolya, Alexei Vasilyevich write about, and about everything in general. I wish you all the best.
I hug and kiss tightly.
Your Vasya
My grandmother's brother Nikolai Vasilyevich Emelyanov, served in the ski battalion, died in 1944 at the age of 16-17
December 10, 1944
Hello dear! Lida! Forgive me for delaying the letter for so long. I have no special excuses. True, I am busy with one job, which takes a lot of my personal time. This work is connected with my civilian specialty, and I am very fond of it. You, Lida, forgive me for neglecting your and other peace. I understand perfectly well that I am doing wrong, but I earnestly ask you not to pay much attention to my "accuracy" in writing letters. Believe me, I don't forget about home for a minute. All my dreams and thoughts are with you, and I hope that after the war, when we meet and I explain many things incomprehensible to you, then you will understand me and fully agree with me. I received two letters from you from Moscow. I am very pleased that everything is going well for you so far. Satisfied for Natasha and grateful to everyone that she was surrounded by such attention.
Don't worry about me. I am alive and well. Mood is good. I expect some changes in my life, but, of course, for the better. Volodya sent two letters. In letters I explained to him everything that was necessary. I received no answer from him. How he lives is very interesting to me, and, frankly, I am worried that he will not be under surveillance. Unfortunately, nothing can be done to correct the situation, and we will hope for my soon return, and then we will try to correct all the abnormalities.
Lida! Write to me more about life on the Kanatka. How is your mom? What does Sergey write? He sent me two letters, but I haven’t answered him yet. Write down how you are doing with food. Write in detail who lives how. How are you doing with your work? How are you spending your time? I've heard a lot about life in Moscow. Perhaps what I was told does not fully correspond to reality, but if this is true, then it may very much remind you of our pre-war life, which you, unfortunately, are not able to use. I hope that you will remain the same until the end. There is not long to wait, and as a rule, after a bad time, there is usually something good, and in this good time I believe.
Write. No offense. I'm waiting for your letters. How is Natasha?
I hug and kiss everyone tightly.
Your Vasya
December 21, 1944
Dear Lida! I recently received a letter from you. Sorry for the delay in answering. Do you wonder why I take offense at you for the fact that you rarely write? Perhaps I am wrong, but I am making assumptions that everything depends on the mood, and after reading your letter, in which you report a change in mood in connection with your stay in Moscow, I will not be surprised if I guessed right. Do not think that I want to reproach you for something, because my mood changes very often. Sometimes I feel that it is necessary to write a letter, but when you sit down, you do not know what to write. I don’t know about you, but I often think about our situation with you. It would seem that there is no reason that would prevent us from treating each other as before, and at the same time, it is strange for me that we cannot find the right words for each other. I don’t think my feelings and yours have dulled. On the contrary, what does not exist, what you dream about, becomes much more valuable. It is curious how we will relate to each other after the war: there must be some changes. In one of your letters you wrote to me about the fact that, having lived with me for several years, you did not fully understand me and your relationship was not entirely sincere. Well, if each of us understands what he was wrong then, and if fate is merciful and we meet, then I think we will eliminate all the shortcomings.
I am very pleased for you and Natasha. I am worried about Volodya, and for some reason I feel sorry for him. I know he is not with strangers, but to deprive him of your and my attention is too great a punishment. At his age, I was brought up in an orphanage. The memory of that life is still too fresh in my memory. As a child, I often thought about my situation and looked for the culprits, why I was in an orphanage. At that time I was not interested in the question that it is difficult to live. I had my own personal world and, unfortunately, no one could explain my delusions. Although Volodya is big, perhaps he understands a lot, but still it is hard for him. It should be especially borne in mind that, as you write, "he went to his mother in character," and therefore he can feel, worry and never show the mind and is not recognized. I regret that this character trait passed on to him. It seems to me that our life in the past would have been much fuller. I can’t, and I don’t have the right to take offense at you, but for this line we often caused each other trouble for no reason. Sometimes it seemed to me that you did not completely trust me or were playing with my feelings, and even then I guessed that there was a certain trait in your character, and therefore I got used to it and resigned myself. I tried to make changes several times. True, unsuccessfully, rudely, causing you trouble, but you have to agree that sometimes you yourself were wrong. I do not want to engage in self-praise, but a person who knows me can live well. I am quick-tempered, hot, but at the same time, if I offended a person, then I always try to find a reason and make amends. In my life, I have not made enemies for myself who could take offense at me for a long time. I know that citizenship can't remember me badly. In the army, I also have many comrades and even friends, and therefore it is easier for me to experience all sorts of hardships.
I really miss and dream of a home. I am writing a letter today and read that today Natasha is 4 years 4 months and 12 days old, I am already silent about Volodya - he is very big. Although it is pleasant in my heart that you have such "grown-up" children, at the same time you regret that they have been without me for so long that they probably have no idea about their father. In this respect, I envy you.
Lida, write to me more often and more. How is your mom? Natasha? Your? Viti? Masha? What does Alexander write? What happened to Petya? How do everyone else live? Volodya wrote three letters, but there were none from him. If you received a letter from him, then passed. Don't worry about me. Everything will be fine. Have you been to work?
I hug and kiss everyone tightly.
Your Vasya
March 5, 1945
Hello dear! Lida! You, of course, are again mad at me for the fact that I rarely write. Unfortunately, I have little opportunity to write to you often. I myself have not received letters for a long time and I cannot understand your long silence. Within a few months I received a letter from you in which you inform that Shura was in Moscow. I, frankly, envy those people who have such great happiness. I just have no luck. The fourth year has passed since I am in the army. During this time, I did not have to visit not only at home, but further as 35-45 km from the front line. I have absolutely no idea how people in the rear live. How much I would sacrifice to be at home. Learn about how you live. Find out your mood. Especially, Lida, yours. Are you tired of waiting? In addition to my will, but in your letters I notice some kind of hidden reproach-reproach. You, of course, do not openly complain to me about your position, but you need to be a stupid person in order not to understand your thoughts. I know your bewilderment and concern about me. It is, of course, wrong. How many times have I wanted to let you know about my situation, but I never reached the goal. I could, risking my life, achieve a certain position, but I assure you that for a very short time. I abstain from playing with fate.
Recently from Kazakov I. D. got a letter. Unfortunately, it was sad for me. Many in the rear have a not entirely correct idea of us. It is believed that we have become so coarse, become insensitive to everything, etc. - i.e. we can be absolutely indifferent to all things. Unfortunately, this is deeply mistaken. Each of us at the front has not stopped appreciating life. All that is associated with memories of the past is very expensive. I. D. Kazakov, in his little postcard, told me about the death of six comrades, including Yuzhakov, who died of a broken heart on the train, Pronin, Kazachinsky, etc. If they were all at the front, it would not be so hard, otherwise there in the far rear. All this leads to very sad reflections. After all, I have lived and worked with them for several years. How much has changed in three years. Who can believe how hard it is to wait for the end.
Lida! Don't worry about me yet. I am alive and well. I am in a good mood, for I live in hopes of a quick defeat of the enemy and return to your homeland. How is your mom? What does Volodya write? How is my daughter Natasha? When I read your letters, in which you write about Natasha, namely about the fact that she takes offense and says to you: "All the uncles come home, but my dad is still gone," believe me, it can be so hard that he is deprived of everything, what is dear to you in the world.
I wish you all health and the best in your life.
Lida, write. I beg you very much. Do not make me worry and think about what is not necessary.
I hug and kiss everyone tightly.
Your Vasya
March 21, 1945
Hello dear! Lida! I recently received a letter from you. You are in vain of such an opinion that I remain dissatisfied with your letters. If I did not know your character, then, of course, for me a lot would seem incomprehensible and strange. Fortunately, I know you, and therefore I understand how difficult it is for you to write a letter to me once again, but I will live in hopes that you will fulfill your promise to me. It seems to me, on the contrary, that you should remain dissatisfied with my letters. They often contain some instructions and hints. Usually I do not pursue the goal of offending you, and if I write something, it happens against my will. Do you remember the last letter? I am sure that you were surprised by him, but you must agree with me that my position has been and remains a mystery to you. Sometimes I see comparisons in your letters, then it seems to me that you consider me little capable of anything. In vain. Of course, I do not really like military affairs, and being at the front becomes painful for me, but at the same time, I will try to fulfill my duty to the Motherland with honor to the end. It seems to me that I already wrote to you that I was awarded the Order of the Red Star, the Medal For Courage, presented to the Order of the Red Banner, however, nothing has been heard about the last award, but the main award for me, I believe, is for family is that I still remain alive and well.
The rest doesn't really bother me. I live unchanged. One bad thing is that I rarely receive letters. Volodya does not write at all. Don't worry about me yet. I hope that soon this war will end and we will return home.
We now have a second spring. The weather is warm. How you want to live when spring comes. Everyone dreams of something. When we have free time, we all get together. We remember the past, we talk about the future, and usually the conversation is about you, i.e. about those who are in the rear. Some scold, others justify. They give a lot of examples and cases and blame everything on what the war will write off. In any case, after the war, many will be disappointed. People have changed in the four years of the war, and perhaps this is not surprising.
We are calm now. I found myself a new occupation, i.e. learning to play the accordion. Tune with him like on a piano, and therefore for me learning is easy. I play in the evenings. This allows a little distraction from the war.
I don’t write to work. I do not know exactly who is there now, otherwise I would have scolded for the promise they gave you, but they themselves did not fulfill. Sergey doesn't write either. Petya's fate worries me. What happened to him is unclear. Where is Klavdya? What is Volodya writing to you? How is my Natasha? How I wanted to please her, but, unfortunately, not yet. Perhaps, soon I will fulfill my promise and fulfill her desire. Write, Lida, don't forget. Each of your letters gives me a lot of pleasure. The more often you write, the more accurate I will be. How is your mom? What does Tanya write? How is Manya? In general, write more and about everything. What's new at Kanatka? What changes have occurred?
Be healthy. I hug and kiss everyone tightly.
Your Vasya
March 21, 1945
Hello dear!
Volodya! Why did you stop writing letters to me? I am very worried about how you live there. Mom often writes to me. She misses and worries that you are left alone without her. Volodya! Write to me about your academic progress. Hope you study well. Obey your grandparents. I received a letter from you in which you write about Uncle Lesha. You are probably wondering if I have any awards. I also have two orders. You won't have to blush for me. Your dad hits the German well and hopes that you will study and obey as well. The war will soon be over. I will come home. Let's all get together and live as before, good. Write to me about the health of grandfather, grandmother, aunt Sonya. What does mom write?
I wish you all good health. I hug and kiss everyone tightly.
Your dad
Write more often. I will wait.
March 25, 1945
Hello dear! Lida! You will probably find it very surprising that you receive letters so often. I, of course, do not differ in the accuracy of writing often letters, just today for some reason it became sad and sad. I wanted to go home so much that I can't explain to you. Perhaps spring influences. At such a time, everyone wants to live, and therefore do not want to think about the war. How quickly time flew by, and I meet the fourth spring far from my home - at the front. It is easy only to say how much and what has not changed his mind during this time. If it were not for the consciousness that you are defending the Motherland, then this time would be a pity. When I'm bored, then for some reason I remember my whole previous life. The war has taught us to appreciate even what is sometimes neglected in citizenship. How in many ways you have to deny yourself. I envy many comrades who give little thought to how to spend their leisure time. I'm not talking about cinema, theater, and even a simple book in Russian is hard to get here, and you know very well that I loved to read. Almost all my free time is spent talking and remembering. Here, your brother beware. Criticize so that the ears fade. In my heart, of course, many contradict, not everyone wants to show their I. You have more worries there, and therefore there is less free time, and even then when you get together, then there are also enough conversations. We have a lull now, but this lull reminds us that there will be a thunderstorm soon. The weather is warm and warm. We go undressed. When you receive this letter, it will be as good in Moscow as it is now with us. Then you will understand what spring is, and, I hope, you will not be late in answering this letter.
Write in more detail about your personal life. Each person has his own hidden, inner life, which usually no one knows about. It is this desire and dreams that I would like to know. When I write this letter, I already guess in advance what you will write to me, but I ask you not to be surprised at the content of my letter. My letters are generally distinguished by unnecessary reasoning, and it is possible that some words are unpleasant for you. Well nothing. Lida! But when I arrive, you will not be offended by me either. I have changed in many ways in character and I think that not in a bad direction. Those. I learned to value life. Write to me about Natasha. I also sent a letter to Volodya, but for some reason he does not write to me. I am afraid that many will unaccustomed me and it will be hard for me right away. Write like mom's health. Glad you still look good, but it's a little dangerous. There will be rear Don Juans who can turn their heads. I will hope that everything will be all right.
Don't worry about me. I am alive and well.
I wish you all good health.
Write about everyone. Where, who and how lives. What they write.
I hug and kiss everyone tightly.
Vasya
September 3, 1945
Hello dear! Lida! Today I received a letter from you and I will answer immediately. Frankly, I was surprised by the content of your letter. It is possible that I misunderstood you, but it seems to me that you have set conditions for me. Do you really think that I don’t think about how we will and should live in the future? If I had even a small opportunity to improve conditions, I would do it immediately. Why ask me for advice and hint about my addiction to music? If it is necessary, then I would not wait, but would do what is best for the family. Now it is difficult for me to make any plans, but I don’t know your thoughts. Hope I should be back home soon. Of course, I will do everything that will depend on me, but now I can’t even say anything. I live unchanged. Monotonous and very boring. The mood is disgusting, and if it were not for the dreams that we will soon go home, it seems that he would have lost his mind. From (nrzb) no results yet. Write how you live there. How are things going with the products? How is your grandmother? If you decide to go on vacation to Pavlovo, then write to me more often, because then you will have a lot of free time. Now I am not very busy either, and therefore I will write more often. Although I am on my native land, I am not so close - 1000 km, and therefore I would be glad to come, but they will not let me go.
Well, be healthy. I wish you all the best and always good health.
I hug and kiss everyone tightly.
Your Vasya
